Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Domestic Violence #3

The title of this post means that this is the third worst consistent form of abuse I suffered at the hands of my sociopath husband.
At about the 10 year mark in our marriage, when I dared to enter into any type of confrontation, especially about lack of employment, this is what would happen:
He would grab me and take me upstairs to the bedroom. He would get about 4 inches from my face and in a growl whisper he would begin. I knew to be silent, still and to look down in shame. "This is the type of treatment you deserve," you are disgusting," "you do not know how to be a wife." And after about three or more comments he would drag me to the ground and straddle me, he would put his forearm on my throat and lean in so he was once again inches from my face and looking into my eyes. Then he would begin again with this phrase that will echo in my brain for the rest of my life..."YOU WILL SUBMIT TO ME," this while I was pinned to the ground and having trouble breathing. "You make me sick," "you leave a terrible taste in my mouth when you open yours," "this is how you deserve to be treated all the time."Sometimes he would then drag me around the room by my feet knocking my upperbody into furniture or he would pick me up and pin me against the wall and continue. I am literally half his size and I would let him, all the while thinking I did deserve it and I needed to just take it.

Legal system
Jumping ahead to where I will be going with all of this. When divorce began and the courts determined this was a hostile situation, the children were assigned a Guardian Ad Litem to represent their best interest. She called me for an interview. I told her I was the victim of domestic violence and shared the story above along with others. I also showed her pictures of my face badly beaten. Not one time in a year and a half of litigation did she mention the abuse; she dismissed it completely. At every court appearance she suggested my now 8 year old son have less time with me and more time with his father (the abuser!). And she recommended hours of counseling and group work for me and required absolutely nothing of him. Not even an anger management class! I have learned that this is a common occurrence: the victim loses her children. I have a doctoral degree and at that time the sociopath was only employed in a position I helped him secure. He made less than 8 thousand a year. I was the professional and my word meant nothing. I was astonished.

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Thank you for your comment. Positive feedback and helping those that have experienced the same tragedies are what keeps me going.