Tuesday, March 6, 2012

The Sociopath Cont...

My abuser enjoyed making me feel badly about myself. The worse I felt, the less self-esteem, the more power he had over me. Thinking back I remember seeing the look of pleasure on his face, a smirk at times, when he was critiquing an interpersonal interaction he observed at work or in a social setting. I would sink deeper into shame and regret but now realize I obsessed over the most normal interactions. And he reveled in the power of his corrective words and their influence over me.

I remember playing the HASBRO board game Risk and he was helping everyone else in the game, but he was losing, he was almost completely out of the game. I asked why he was correcting everyone when he was doing the worst. Evidence doesn't matter to a sociopath. He knew how to play the game the best and had special strategies even though the truth showed he played the game the worst. That is like life with a sociopath. It is so confusing and you literally start to lose your mind. It's snowing outside and they tell you it's raining. They are so convincing you start to doubt whether you are seeing snow.

And, in that first paragraph, I've opened up the lack of employment door....

Remember my friend who's husband looked for ways to make her life easier? My husband looked each day for a way to make his life easier.

According to the book "The Sociopath Next Door," by Martha Stout, one type of sociopath is the non ambitious type.

“You are the sort of person who really does not want much of anything. Your only real ambition is not to have to exert yourself to get by. You do not want to work like everyone else does….

...Without a conscience, you can nap or pursue your hobbies or watch television or just hang out somewhere all day long. …
 ....
Living a bit on the fringes, and with handouts from relatives and friends, you can do this indefinitely. People may whisper to one another that you are an underachiever, or that you are depressed, a sad case, or in contrast, if they get angry, they may grumble that you are lazy. When they get to know you better, and get really angry , they may scream at you and call you a loser or a bum....
 ...
A partner does not have to be rich, just a financier that is reliably conscience-bound."
In my 20 years of marriage to a sociopath, he worked for a total of 6 years (and that is generous). In 2006 our, at the time, 15 year old daughter made more than her father; he made $0. His idea of job hunting was to look at jobs on the internet for about an hour and then return to television. At that time I was working full time, working a second, part time, job as an instructor at another university and working on my doctorate full time.  I didn't sleep much, I didn't have friends and I didn't enjoy life. I spent every "extra" minute with the children and did nothing for my own health and well being. I understand that in this economy it might be difficult to obtain a job, but this was different, this was an almost teenage rebellion against working and helping to support a family of five.
The Sociopath Next Door

No comments:

Post a Comment

Thank you for your comment. Positive feedback and helping those that have experienced the same tragedies are what keeps me going.