Saturday, April 14, 2012
Until death do us part: I wish my story were over
I don’t understand this, though; writings from victims of sociopaths all say the same thing: they cannot and will not move on. They could remarry, have other children, move to another country and still…..they remain fanatical about a relationship long gone. They behave and talk in a way that appears the relationship continues. Peter talks about me to my son, daughters, and our legal liaisons as though we are interacting in the same way we did two years ago. He assumes and predicts my actions as if I were the same person I was while living with him. The problem is he does it with such tenacity and persuasiveness it takes years for people, new to our story, to see through his manipulative ways. Peter really should have nothing to say about me; there is very little the same about me. He ignores me unless he wants something, then he will not relent until I respond. We do not interact with the same people and as I’ve talked about in previous posts, and will elaborate on in the future, my older daughters do not communicate with me at all. Yet he “knows” me. I asked my 8 year old son if dad and his sisters say things about me that he knows isn’t true. He smiled, wondering how I knew that, and said yes. I asked him if it was confusing because he is the only person in our family that knows me, they don’t interact with me, yet talk about me constantly. He thinks it is confusing all of the time. He does not understand, and has expressed to everyone involved in our divorce case, why “everyone” hates me. How is this healthy to promote hate and anger? I will ask my daughters this someday: how has it helped you to be filled with so much hate and anger?
With that in mind, I try to remain in a positive state, believing things will turn out okay in the end. I am also human and today I am angry. Today I received an email from our new parent coordinators. This position is court ordered and is an attempt to keep us out of the court system. We have two because I have asked to not ever be in a therapeutic situation with Peter. I can’t put myself in a position where he can have any influence over me (and I hate to admit: I am still scared of him); I need time to process, alone, communication from him so that I don’t fall into any old patterns inculcated over two decades. There can be no back and forth with him; there is no negotiating, only complete submission on my part. I will not, if possible, put myself in a submissive position with him again. Peter threatened to make a formal complaint to the American Psychological Association against our former parent coordinator, who dared to cross him. She quit of course. So here we are again…two women taken in by his charm. He has moved to Canada and by doing so he has given up his rights for 50/50 time share, unless he would like to come back for his time. There are a completely different set of rules when custody becomes international. Even so, they told me today that it was “risky” for me to prevent 50/50 time share. It is risky for me to let him go. It is against the law for him to go unless I agree. He is the one who has left and abandoned time share, but he seems to be able to operate above rules and orders. He will not respond to a simple request to have my son’s field trip shirt or his Cub Scout uniform; he simply turns off his phone when my son is in his care, yet I am supposed to feel comfortable sending him to another country for an entire summer? Am I wrong in wondering if he would come back? I am angry because I can’t get away. Every time I open my email I have a few seconds of panic, every time my phone rings….I wonder will this be the day my son is taken away from me? It is scary to be married to a sociopath and it is scary to leave one…
at 3:45 PM