Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Life on the Other Side: Continued Financial Abuse and Chaos

I was actually thinking today I just might have it made. For years I tried to get Peter to pay just his school loans and nothing else. To work at a coffee shop and earn just $600 per month to pay that one bill. He had to take on that debt in our settlement and now he owes me $900 per month in child support. So I was thinking, wow, not only is he required to pay his own bills, but I'm getting help taking care of Warren, for a change, and I have him most days of the year! Even the poorest of dads pay child support and the courts and society don't look kindly on the "dead beat dads." Eventually he'll have to pay me the over six thousand he owes in back payment and then the continued$ 900 per month!

Ha! With a Sociopath there is never reprieve. Ever. I have received $500.00 from Peter in the almost year I've had Warren. Today I received notice from the bank that there were insufficient funds in his account and I was charged for the transaction. Of course he can't pay me. He will make demands and belittle my parenting from another country and not look out for Warren's best interest though he declares that's his only concern.

I recently had a water heater break and there was a substantial amount of water damage in my house. I had used that money to help offset those costs. Now I will be very tight until the end of the month. How dare I count on a check from Peter. It still hasn't taken root that Peter does not care for anyone but Peter. Warren is only a pawn and Peter breaks the law without regard for Warren. He has no normal fear of consequences. He thinks he will swoop in and take Warren from me when he sees fit. He can't take care of him now. Peter has not had sole responsibility for a child ever; he couldn't handle the daily care of a nine year old child. I will continue to gladly take full responsibility for my child and won’t expect anything from Peter. I cannot wait until the day I don’t have to hear or read anything from Peter ever again.  

 

5 comments:

  1. Once again, you are taking thoughts from my head. This post makes me angry, as I seem to feel angry whenever I think of the money situation. As a single parent to a 10 year old child, my ex has never been required to pay me more than $68/week in child support. He works seasonally and chooses not to work all winter, so that has been reduced to $13/ week when he is collecting unemployment. It is deplorable that the system even allows this! Meanwhile I have to work overtime to make ends meet and to provide a decent life for my son. His father actually told me once that he didn't think he should have to pay anything at all for child support, because he doesn't ever "get his money's worth" out of it! That statement says it all though...he sees his son as property...something to be bartered for and controlled as a possession. All this coming from the man who when we were together, "managed" our finances...my paycheck went into his checking account. A large legal settlement I won was signed over to him to take care of. And here I am, years later with nothing to show for it. I've done the math on what I know was spent and where, and still there is over $26,000 unaccounted for. Just gone. Probably hidden under his mattress as he claims poverty. How foolish I was!

    My biggest worry is not so much now, as I know that my ex is incapable of caring for his son. And I know he knows it too. He fought me in court for over a year for custody, and the entire time he had no real intentions of ever taking his son from me. It was a scare tactic, to drain me emotionally and financially. And it worked. But no, my biggest fear is that when my son is older, in his teenage years maybe, that his father will then try to take him from me...either emotionally or physically or both. Because at that point raising him won't seem as much like "work" to him. I already know the emotional games he plays. As stupid and unintelligent I want to say that he is, I can't deny that he is well equipped in the art of manipulation.

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  2. I've been trying for years to enforce a support order. The ex married a woman much older than himself and she has a little money, so he's consistently underemployed or unemployed. He moves every couple of years to a different state and has to be tracked down again and again. He's been threatened with court action and anything else the state can threaten him with. He usually makes a full payment a day or two before he is to appear in a courtroom to avoid the process. He knows how to game the system, the state knows he knows how to game the system, but there's not much to be done because of laws and child support enforcement procedures. He'll go to his grave owing me thousands of dollars in back child support. Any money that is squeezed out of him is a bonus. I had to learn not to rely on child support at all.

    The ex and his wife, interestingly enough, have told my children that they pay for everything my family has and all of our expenses. They portray me as a deadbeat, greedy person whose only concern is taking their money. As if.

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  3. I am so tired. Really, it won't end will it?

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  4. It will end! Warren is going to be 18 someday and you won't need to communicate with Peter ever again in your life. Chances are very high he'll latch onto some other woman and tormenting you will take a back seat to fresh narcissistic supply. It's obviously not something you wish on another human being, but it's the way life goes. Until then, you already know to keep contact with him to a bare minimum. Just keep living your life the way you see fit.

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  5. Check out www.melanietoniaevans.com, this wonderful lady has a great website with louds of resources and an amazing blog on narcissism and superquick, lasting and FULL recovery from the root. Helps me a lot, I get rid of my CPTSD this way! Much love!

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Thank you for your comment. Positive feedback and helping those that have experienced the same tragedies are what keeps me going.