Monday, October 7, 2013

An Interview

I have been contacted by a freelance writer who would like to interview me for a magazine. She believes this the best way to market my book, along with this blog.

What did your ex do to you to get the bruise on your eye and why? How many times did he beat you? Often and for how many years?
Your questions are what anyone would ask. Domestic violence has become more readily acknowledged thanks to a force of passionate researchers and courageous victims. I see this as similar to the "CSI effect," where jurys expect some sort of biological evidence in order to prosecute; eye witness accounts and testimony no longer hold the weight they once did. I am thankful he hit me hard enough to inflict the damage he did. I needed those pictures for my divorce trial or no one would've believed the real terror I endured. Too often women will contact me, with similar stories, wishing that they had been hit so they had evidence for children, court, friends or family. This would make their story “believable” and prove that they weren’t crazy. It has generated the most concern since I came out of the closet with my story; it was the least pain Peter inflicted on me. I didn't even feel it I was so numb. I remember my only thoughts being about how to cover it up so my co-workers wouldn't do something to Peter. A few days later, Peter started to escalate with threats of taking everything from me and I had the wherewithal to take pictures of myself. The mind control is by far the worst form of abuse; you lose yourself and become very small and helpless. The ultimate goal being my suicide, thinking it was the only way out, and he nearly succeeded. Sociopaths are, for the most part, very cool, methodical, intelligent and unbreakable. Peter had a vulnerable moment where he was also intoxicated; his physical violence was generally putting me in positions where I couldn’t move and suffocation. When abuse is primarily psychological it’s difficult to convince anyone of victimization. It’s already taken me pages and pages to try and articulate this insidious and subtle form of abuse. For those with similar stories they are very appreciative, that is my greatest motivation; initially it was a public documentation for my protection.

What do you want to draw attention to in order to help other women?
These people are real and they can entrap any of us. No one that has dealt with a sociopath would argue that I’m exaggerating. Those that have not might find what I am saying downright silly.  To end this, as with any problem, is to do the opposite of what an abuser would want: talk about it, break it wide open.

What do you hope other women will learn from your story?
You are not crazy. You are not alone. If you make any changes or try to leave be prepared, there is no conscious so the unimaginable is going to happen. You will be treated unjustly and there will be casualties. They have an obsessive perseverance that will take your breath away. You won’t be able to keep up if you fall apart or second guess; get in the fight immediately.

What year did you leave and when did you get divorced? Is he still causing trouble or is he leaving you alone now that he is living in another country?
August 1, 2011; my first taste of freedom. I am always on guard and always will be. He will not stop trying to shame me or take whatever he can from me. It’s wonderful that he left the country; that was a huge bite of freedom.

3 comments:

  1. Unfortunately I married a Danish Man last January who is a Pretty Boy Obsessed AUDI Driving/Steroid Pumped Druggy BodyBuilder who's such a dirty nasty monster! Unfortunately they are master manipulators who smoothly uses their black spirit to lure women in (and in my case my kids are involved and he killed my animals). He will stop at nothing till he sucks your soul dry! Terrible stuff, and his family and bad support system feed him because he is pretty to get away with his abusive ways! I never knew he was a physcopath until I married and moved in with him with my kids and animals to his condo in Denmark while filing for his immigration visa! BIG mistake!! Terrible abuse my kids and I went through with him and his physcotic mood swings! He did a good job of isolating us and telling everyone else I was the problem. These physcopatic men are sick. I am now free from that parasite thankfully and re building myself up. His last abusive trick was abandoning my kids and I with nothing in Denmark. He stole EVERYTHING from us. Women/Girls need to BEWARE and learn the dangerous warning signs of physcopathic abusers. They come in all shapes and sizes. Pretty Boys who work for AUDI included. Usually a big sign is insecurity which may come in the way of a beautiful bodybuilder (the all have narcissistic personality disorder as well as addictive personalities) My husband Emil had mood swings all the time from steroids and mental instability! Please KNOW THE SIGHS OF A PHYSCOPATHICS ABUSER and if you are with one GET OUT QUICK or they will try to steal your soul! Thank you for this blog! Education is SOOOO important! No Silence! We MUST Speak UP! Xo Diana Empacher

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  2. FOR ANYONE WANTING TO STOP THE CYCLE OF ABUSE PLEASE READ THIS GREAT ARTICLE:

    "Breaking the cycles of Emotional Cruelty & Why you didn’t see the signs of an abusive relationship....http://energy-treatments.com/breaking-cycles-emotional-cruelty-didnt-see-signs-abusive-relationship/

    Love and Peace and Healing in abundance...Diana Empacher XO

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  3. Thank you again so much for this blog. It has really helped me heal by having a voice here and I pray you find much deserved healing as well XO I wanted to add to all abuse survivors reading your blog how important it is to completely Love yourself in a healthy manner before you Love anyone else or it will usually end up a bad relationship. especially of you come from a childhood of abuse where your interpetation of Love is skewed as I did. Being raised in abuse, you only know SICK LOVE and so you dont realize the warning signs of a predator the same way as if you had never been abuse. I have been married twice both to sociopathic predators. I was the trusting, monogomous doting wife and mom and no one knew I was living with a monster...except, me, my kids. We lived in great a neighborhood. Both men were good looking and very successful financially> DONT EVER LET THAT FOOL YOU...the outside world thought I was the lucky wife when really I was living a nightmare of hell in darkness with a monster. My Beautiful Mother died a battered woman by her abusive danish boyfriend it was only at her death she was free as. Finally she had Love and DIgnity at her death in my arms w my kids by here side. I promised her from that point on that I would not let her die in vain and I vowed to break the cycle of abuse through me. Unfortunately I almost had the same fate as her from my second husband (the one I am updating about from my first comment above that I wrote a few years ago). I am truly lucky my kids and I are alive.
    When I got remarried several years after divorcing my 1st husband I thought I had healed and knew how to look carefully for red flags...apparently I was wrong and ended with another, worse sociopath. The one I commentd on a year ago.. I was shocked. 6 months ago I collapsed from what Drs say is shock of emotional trauma from the 2nd marriage to the dane...I have been fighting for my life and almost died several times because my mind, body and spirit was bankrupt and horrified by the trauma done to me and my kids. I wont get in to much detail, but 20 doctors later, they said my kids and I had been severly abused by my second husband, it could be several years still for all of me to heal. If it were not for my kids begging me to live I would have died even before my 2nd divorce went through (emailed my 2nd husband from my death bed to get a divorce cause I had to forgive him to try to release the pain of what he did, and let go...only for him not to respond at all or care and only sent online divorce papers for me to sign) My kids and God are my heroes through this who kept me safe. I Love them soooo much. I have forgiven all those in my life who have abused me, including both families of these monsters who supported them as they are just as sick ...not for them, but for me, to free myself and focus on the joy of my kids and healing. Even though I still have a long road of healing in front of me, I am grateful to breathe and to still be here with my beautiful children. It so important to understand and feel PURE SELF LOVE as your first TRUE LOVE. I was the happy girl who chose to see the good in everyone and always wore my rose colored glasses. Escapism from the pain maybe...I liked to look at the happy, when in reality, you have to accept reality and never think you can change a person, they are who you are, you cant change anyone but yourself. Sociopaths are very dangerous and life is waaay too beautiful for settle for anything but AMAZING and TRUE LOVE Corinthians 13 style! My abuse was pushed deep inside...a dark nightmare, I shoved away and well my consious tried to protect me by shoving it away deep inside. That never works though, in order to heal properly you have to acknowledge and release the pain or it will kill you, either at the hands of an abuser or manifest as it did in me as a physical collapse. FORGIVE (which doesnt mean condone or allow these people back in your life) and LIVE EVERYDAY IN UNCONDITIONAL SELF LOVE AS GOD LOVES US! DIana Empacher XO

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Thank you for your comment. Positive feedback and helping those that have experienced the same tragedies are what keeps me going.