Monday, October 7, 2013
I have been contacted by a freelance writer who would like to interview me for a magazine. She believes this the best way to market my book, along with this blog.
What did your ex do to you to get the bruise on your eye and why? How many times did he beat you? Often and for how many years?Your questions are what anyone would ask. Domestic violence has become more readily acknowledged thanks to a force of passionate researchers and courageous victims. I see this as similar to the "CSI effect," where jurys expect some sort of biological evidence in order to prosecute; eye witness accounts and testimony no longer hold the weight they once did. I am thankful he hit me hard enough to inflict the damage he did. I needed those pictures for my divorce trial or no one would've believed the real terror I endured. Too often women will contact me, with similar stories, wishing that they had been hit so they had evidence for children, court, friends or family. This would make their story “believable” and prove that they weren’t crazy. It has generated the most concern since I came out of the closet with my story; it was the least pain Peter inflicted on me. I didn't even feel it I was so numb. I remember my only thoughts being about how to cover it up so my co-workers wouldn't do something to Peter. A few days later, Peter started to escalate with threats of taking everything from me and I had the wherewithal to take pictures of myself. The mind control is by far the worst form of abuse; you lose yourself and become very small and helpless. The ultimate goal being my suicide, thinking it was the only way out, and he nearly succeeded. Sociopaths are, for the most part, very cool, methodical, intelligent and unbreakable. Peter had a vulnerable moment where he was also intoxicated; his physical violence was generally putting me in positions where I couldn’t move and suffocation. When abuse is primarily psychological it’s difficult to convince anyone of victimization. It’s already taken me pages and pages to try and articulate this insidious and subtle form of abuse. For those with similar stories they are very appreciative, that is my greatest motivation; initially it was a public documentation for my protection.
What do you want to draw attention to in order to help other women?These people are real and they can entrap any of us. No one that has dealt with a sociopath would argue that I’m exaggerating. Those that have not might find what I am saying downright silly. To end this, as with any problem, is to do the opposite of what an abuser would want: talk about it, break it wide open.
What do you hope other women will learn from your story?You are not crazy. You are not alone. If you make any changes or try to leave be prepared, there is no conscious so the unimaginable is going to happen. You will be treated unjustly and there will be casualties. They have an obsessive perseverance that will take your breath away. You won’t be able to keep up if you fall apart or second guess; get in the fight immediately.
What year did you leave and when did you get divorced? Is he still causing trouble or is he leaving you alone now that he is living in another country?August 1, 2011; my first taste of freedom. I am always on guard and always will be. He will not stop trying to shame me or take whatever he can from me. It’s wonderful that he left the country; that was a huge bite of freedom.
at 11:08 AM