Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Okay....here is the real thing....


What is PAS?
Gardner's definition of PAS is:

1. The Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) is a disorder that arises primarily in the context of child-custody disputes.

2. Its primary manifestation is the child's campaign of denigration against a parent, a campaign that has no justification.

3. It results from the combination of a programming (brainwashing) of a parent's indoctrinations and the child's own contributions to the vilification of the targeted parent.

Excerpted from: Gardner, R.A. (1998). The Parental Alienation Syndrome, Second Edition, Cresskill, NJ: Creative Therapeutics, Inc.

What is the child's part in PAS?
Gardner notes that the PAS is more than brainwashing or programming, because the child has to actually participate in the denigrating of the alienated parent. This is done in primarily the following eight ways:
  1. The child denigrates the alienated parent with foul language and severe oppositional behavior.
  2. The child offers weak, absurd, or frivolous reasons for his or her anger.
  3. The child is sure of himself or herself and doesn't demonstrate ambivalence, i.e. love and hate for the alienated parent, only hate.
  4. The child exhorts that he or she alone came up with ideas of denigration. The "independent-thinker" phenomenon is where the child asserts that no one told him to do this.
  5. The child supports and feels a need to protect the alienating parent.
  6. The child does not demonstrate guilt over cruelty towards the alienated parent.
  7. The child uses borrowed scenarios, or vividly describes situations that he or she could not have experienced.
  8. Animosity is spread to the friends and/or extended family of the alienated parent.

In severe cases of parent alienation, the child is utterly brain- washed against the alienated parent. The alienator can truthfully say that the child doesn't want to spend any time with this parent, even though he or she has told him that he has to, it is a court order, etc. The alienator typically responds, "There isn't anything that I can do about it. I'm not telling him that he can't see you."

I took the video down because of Jason's attorney at the time (Jo put up quite a fit being shown so blatantly to be a horribly abusive mother. The boy's come onto the screen one by one talking over Jason and saying in monotone, "I have nothing to say to you." And leaving the screen.


This is a video of Jason and his sons. As you can see Jo has PAS and is doing everything she can to raise fatherless sons despite what it will do to them ultimately. Peter reads from the same play book and does the same with my daughters. Do you see first hand how it hurts the children (young adults)? To be forced to hate half of themselves..

6 comments:

  1. I am living the real thing. I, too was married to a sociopath. We have 2 children...a 16 y.o son and a18 y.o daughter. We married in 1993, separated in 2009 & finally divorced in 2012. It has been years of hell dealing with manipulative man. He "borrowed" money from family for his "business". He was able to get loans for business's he never started. He has alienated my son from me. I thank God everyday my daughter was wise enough not too fall for his con man ways. We've been through court ordered therapy which ended worse then when it started. I've dealt with cops, subpoenas & had an OP on him. I grieve for my son who shows so much hate to me that I let him just be. He has so much anxiety and his dad won't give in to trying anti-depressant. I have read the Sociopath next door...what an eye opener. My ex abused me through texting. I have saved every one of them. He knew I needed money...but I would have to do something in order to get something. He used & a used people. He talked my parents into getting a line of credit on their house for his new business. He promised them he'd pay off their house and car in an year. He paid off the car but my mom almost lost her house. I am currently paying her house payment. It's been 7 yrs but a judgement was renewed December and they were able to clean out my checking account. It was a lawsuit that stemmed from his failed business. He hides his money and uses money cards to pay for stuff. He lives in a rental home and pays $2300 a month but can't give my mom money or pay anyone back like his brother or the other 3 lawsuits that are out there. I've had my wages garnished because of this. He does "loans" and fixes peoples credit for a living. I could go on & on. I read once where if you're married to a sociopath...run away but if you have kids with them then you are in for a ride.

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  2. Well said. It is a roller coaster and one only those of us that have been on can truly relate to. Thanks for sharing. My thoughts are with you!

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  3. I am so sorry you have/had such a tough time, both of you. I can only imagine the stress and anguish. I have been divorced but was lucky to have a good job that left me independent of money manipulation, and the fathers to my sons are both weak willed and simply left the state, because it was "too hard" for them to only have visits with the boys. My three sons are grown, and have told me they love me every time I talk to them. I am blessed, and I pray you are some day free of the sociopaths you are dealing with. God bless. LuAnn

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  4. Thank you both for your replies. This is my first time writing on a blog. I've read all of your blogs and comments from people. I wish I had this kind of support years ago. I, too was naive and at one point told my ex, no matter what I will stand by you. I have so many regrets staying with him but at the time I believed everything he told me but soon I discovered the truth about him...I packed a bag with important stuff I needed, hid it in a closet so I would b ready to go. I told him he was a tornado, he plowed through people's lives, damaging them and never looking back. He thought I couldn't survive without him. He had me totally dependent on him. My 2 children and I went to live with my mom. We lost our home and our cars. We had nowhere to go. After 6 months I moved in with our friend. She used to be our babysitter. Since my ex finally got it that I wasn't coming back...he got my son to move in with him. He got a rental home close to his school and my daughter was a freshman going to school on the other side of town. I could not physically get both kids to school. So, he was so kind to offer to take my son....then came the day I regret...having my son stay with him and eventually just live with him. My son and I had a great relationship. He was my little guy. I played ball w him, games, video games that my ex couldn't stand. Then in a moment it was gone. So, as time went on w the divorce so many events happened that made me feel the lowest I had ever felt. The more I fought back the more ammunition I gave him. He went as far as accusing my friends husband of possibly sexually abusing my daughter in the middle of the night. We had to go to court ordered therapist to find out if his was true. 2 hrs later and the therapist said I am raising a wonderful girl and there is no evidence of any abuse. I knew there wasn't but my ex had to create a problem. I couldn't have any happiness in my life. He made up stories and turned my son away from me. It's so hard because I have my family members believing that I didn't do enough to fight for my son! So, I live with guilt everyday. I text my son...I love him and miss him but never a reply back. People tell me one day he'll come around. I keep hoping but the reality is that he's just like his dad. My daughter, with my encouragement took her brother to dinner 2 weeks ago. She came home after the dinner and said her brother spent most of the time trying to get her to take the offer of her dad's car. About 3 ago months her dad texted her asking her if she wanted his car. He didn't want it anymore and was thinking of getting a new one. She said no, I'm good. She has a small economical car but doesn't live up to the standards of her dad's big suburban. This man hides his money for a reason and he just wants to give his car away. My daughter knows that his offers of anything comes with a price and I'm not talking money. He just doesn't give this away without creating drama and jump through hoops to get it. Her brother also drilled her about going to church, is she abstaining from meat and what did she give up for lent. What 16 yr old cares about that? She had to defend herself to her brother? I see the same patterns in him as I have with my ex. My past experiences with my son, when he was forced to see me because of court ordered therapy, was horrible. I saw him at the movie theatre with his friends as I was walking out of the theatre to get a refill of popcorn...I said, hey Sam, and he turned and looked at me and loudly said in front of his friends, "what do you want, why are you following me., leave me alone and shrugged away from me." I was shocked to the core and walked away in tears. I knew some of his friends and they looked uncomfortable but of course they're teenage boys, one laughed. He shamed me in public....what is next? Thank you for letting me share one of my many stories. Everyone please hang in there...don't wait to make a change if you have a sociopath in your life.

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  5. Wow, I am moved by your story. NO ONE understands unless they have had an ex spouse take their children. It is so unjust and you just stand there helpless. It is terrible to see your child in this state...a living monument of hate toward you...and you can still feel them as a part of your body. I do this for people like you; it is so uncomfortable to write some of the things I write, but I do it to hear your story. Thanks for sharing.

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    1. I appreciate so much having a forum like this blog to help others. To me writing is therapeutic and if it helps one person who may be at the end of their rope....then you have done a tremendous thing because they have someone who will listen. I would like to thank my one person who rode the roller coaster with me. She's the one who told me about this blog. She never wavered in her words and kept me steady and got me to stand on my feet and kept me moving forward...she was and still is my go to gal. No matter what time of day or night she would be there. She listened to my many crying rantings and calmed me down. She is my sanity and I love her very much and she's would say"crazy is as crazy does." And my favorite..."everything will be alright" or "you're going to be okay". She helped me to get used to a new normal.
      Thank you again, b4...and for replying back so quickly...

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Thank you for your comment. Positive feedback and helping those that have experienced the same tragedies are what keeps me going.