Tuesday, April 8, 2014

The Female Sociopath: It's Time to Tell Your Story, My Love

The other night I checked my email and comments associated with this blog into the early morning. I had not checked it in a while, so my apologies for taking so long to get back to some of you. As with my professional research of violence in our nation, I find that often what is thought is not reality but only what our media chooses to highlight. For instance, in cases where parents who kill their children, most think of mentally ill mothers; they would be accurate, but what they miss are the greater numbers of fathers who, for example, shoot their toddlers in their cribs over a custody dispute. 

One third of those who communicate with me about this blog are males. Surprised? I am. And it’s harder for them because the female sociopath will resort to concocted accusations of domestic violence. This blog is for them…you…hang on… the judicial system can barely catch up to violence against women. This blog is also for Jason; what he continues to endure takes my breath away. And he has had opposition from within his closest circle because of Jo’s tenaciousness for his destruction and more than willing ears and interest. There is still no interest in understanding his story, sadly, only defensiveness.

Jo’s actions are even worse than a perpetrator; because of false allegations like hers, judges cannot simply believe those of us who are truly victims. Her actions and those like her, cause breakdowns in the judicial systems meant to prevent violence and death. I am appalled that her false allegations have been validated to such a degree; she shows no signs of victimization by Jason. On the contrary, she shows signs of being an aggressor and abuser. I have witnessed her verbal assaults and have dealt with the aftermath of the true victim. After a verbal assault, as with a true victim, Jason becomes nearly paralyzed with fear of consequences of standing up to Jo and sinks into a depression very unlike his normal behavior. He avoids her as much as possible and recoils and avoids any discussions about Jo. He is filled with anxiety every time he opens email, wondering what she will do next. An abuser would be on the offensive pursuing the victim and trying to upset the victim’s internal balance, as Jo does to Jason; hurting and taking what he holds dearest. Jo will not leave him (and now me) alone.

Not knowing what else to do, both Jason and I attempted to file emergency protective orders against her harassing and threatening behavior toward us. Considering the volume of motions against Jason in his divorce case, her uncensored fearless  rages in pages of emails, phone messages (where she was obviously intoxicated, slurring her words and cursing on the messages) it seems that if Jason were abusing Jo at all she would not hesitate to find her voice in the legal/criminal system. 

The EPO was not issued because in the state he filed, there are no cyber stalking laws at this time; only physical abuse. I was not granted an EPO because Jo is not a relation, as mandated in my state. Judges in both states expressed their desires to help us, but could not.

In an email on December 30, 2012, Jo sent the following statement:

The email follows a notification to both attorneys that he is being prevented from Skyping with his boys, as the court has ordered. Jo, as is the general rule, wanted to text but Jason is not comfortable communicating with her by phone or using texting (because of her inability to stop verbally and psychologically abusing him) and has asked her repeatedly to use email. This is quite typical in hostile divorces.

“….Otherwise, do not harrass, threaten or bully me, or …….[sons]. We have had enough. Your command [meaning Jason’s superiors at work] has been in continued contact with me and I will not hesitate to inform them of this. Your continued actions are par for the course for me and continue to get worse, but for the boys, they are young and still have hope. It is time to Stop being a part of the problem and start being a part of the solution. Jo.”
This particular quote is part of a five-page single spaced hostile rant against me and Jason. Jo makes unsubstantiated, outrageous assertions and threatens directly and indirectly that if he allows his children to interact with me she will withhold communication and visitation.
This is what Jason states in his appeal for emergency protection against her abuse, using primarily the email noted above: 

“Because it is so difficult for society to accept that a man might be abused by a woman, and because she has already asserted, unsubstantiated domestic violence, I will provide documentation, within a scientifically-based framework, and am happy to provide full emails, or more information upon request.  I take her threats very seriously as she has already made at least three attempts, to my knowledge, to take my livelihood and cost me an almost 20 year career. She has falsely accused me to authorities, my superiors, friends, family, and neighbors of things I couldn’t imagine. Things I was shocked to even hear. Jo threatens to have documentation and witnesses, but her being a woman and me in the military, she has been able to simply state that I am harassing, stalking, bullying, threatening and she is believed without question.

I also submit the attached document (emails) to provide some evidence of a pattern of verbal and psychological abuse so that her above threat will be taken seriously. I could talk about incidents occurring within the marriage or abusive phone calls (which I do a little), but thought it would be better to simply provide actual documents where she verbally abuses me and now my fiancé. With my impending wedding, Jo’s abuse toward me is escalating. Also, my fiancé feels very threatened and fears Jo’s potential actions toward her or her children. Evidenced with emails, Jo demonstrates ongoing systematic monitoring, analyzing and interpreting all interactions I have with my sons. The amount of information she claims to know would mean Jo was monitoring and evaluating all interactions I have with my sons: phone, Skype and even visits up to 8 weeks. During visits with my sons Jo attempts to involve herself continuously, then analyses visits as if she were there every minute knowing everything.  After interactions she interprets how I think, feel and act; how the boys think, feel and act; how everyone else involved thinks, feels or acts; and then proceeds to explain how it would have been handled better by her all the while hurling accusations and outrageous lies. I believe she is seeking complete control over me, my sons, our interactions, even who is on the other end of 1 hour a week of Skyping. And if she feels she’s losing control (as with my increased seriousness with my fiancé) she will resort to desperate measures to regain that lost control: my job, threats against my fiancé, threats to not send the boys for visits unless I abide by her rules. Her desperation to communicate more with me is likely a desire to control me through abuse, evidenced with email documentation, and to triangulate my relationship with my boys: if I have to come to her for her interpretations then I’m not communicating directly with my boys. She puts herself clearly in the middle of our relationship, dictating, dominating, controlling, amplifying issues, creating chaos; she will not leave us alone to simply have a father son relationship. Jo has demonstrated such a degree of hostility, increasing aggression and has the financial resources to engage in extreme measures that could put me or my fiancé in life threatening danger.  

I would like the court to note the anticipated response from Jo over my first attempt to protect myself. I believe she will amplify the issues I have raised, projecting them onto me. She will provide hostile and overwhelming accusations without documentation. I am asking for the court’s help in protecting my emotional and physical well-being and those that I care about. I would like to simply interact with my sons during the time that has been allotted to me, without coercion, threats, intimidation and abuse. I would like to not be threatened and coerced into ongoing communications with her by phone or text messaging and phone only be used in emergency situations. I am asking that Jo stop threatening my livelihood and my career and stop her subjugation. Considering the close proximity of our upcoming vacation and wedding to her house, I am asking for this protection, at a minimum, until my fiancé and I return from our honeymoon at the end of January 2014. 

With all sincerity, Jason

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Thank you for your comment. Positive feedback and helping those that have experienced the same tragedies are what keeps me going.