Monday, February 9, 2015

Just Be You

To say life is different than Jason and I have ever known would be an incredible understatement. Neither of us thought we would know love and happiness like we know now.

Last weekend we were getting ready to spend the evening with neighbors. I asked Jason should I wear this shirt or this? I had been conditioned to wear, act and look exactly how Peter had wanted. It's hard to break habits. Jason responded, "Just be you." Wow, that statement....I will never forget. Just be me? That's all I have to do? You know what? I like me and I love how I am with Jason. We have not been ourselves with the incredibly insane jealousy, plotting, conspiring, dealing with two children sent to our home as suicide bombers (and they blew things up), who would be?

Now we are seeing each other with new eyes and intense loving feelings. We used to hold each other tightly all night to stop each other from twitching and nightmares due to PTSD from Jo, Peter and Jo's sons. [Watching American Sniper last night we found our situation not dissimilar: Chirs Kyle was in the most fatal danger off the battle field. Jason's worst enemy and most destructive force was Jo, not the over 250 life threatening operations]. Now we hold each other all night every night because it feels so good. It used to be hard to get out of bed because we were so heavy with all of the abnormal and unpredictable attacks; we still have trouble getting out of bed because it feels so safe, warm, tender, loving...just feels so perfectly right. 

Jason tells me I don't need to be perfect, I don't need to try and be a glamor women, he prefers less makeup so he can see me, not to control me, he asks me to just get old with him and not to worry about all the external. Just be me. He loves me, who I am right now and unconditionally. 

1 comment:

  1. My favourite quote seems like what I just read: "Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person; having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but to pour them all out, just as they are, chaff and grain together, knowing that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then, with a breath of kindness, blow the rest away.” Love you both and pray you continue to feel safe in each others arms and in the arms of God...he's always there.

    ReplyDelete

Thank you for your comment. Positive feedback and helping those that have experienced the same tragedies are what keeps me going.