Wednesday, July 11, 2012

I Wish My Story Were Over …Cont.

Domestic Violence continues because it is not always the obviously beaten woman with broken bones. How does society combat such a devastating phenomenon? It is difficult to articulate the subtleties of abuse when so many still believe in the fundamental societal assumption that the father is the ultimate word and women appear as the emotionally weaker, less believable, side.  This is not meant to diminish my male counterparts who have experienced female sociopaths. For them it is perhaps worse; running directly against the societal current.
If I were wrong about being married to a sociopath for 20 years I would have nothing more to say in this chapter. He would eventually behave like a reasonable adult desiring the best for his children.
I’ve mentioned before we have a parent coordinator, two, because our divorce was so hostile and communication dangerous. Peter has moved to Canada and we were to reach an agreement for a summer schedule and school year ASAP, with the parent coordinators. Legally, I don't need to do anything; I can simply sit back and wait out the summer. He needed to take the initiative and file for a new schedule, one that accommodates a parent moving out of the county and country. Because he did not and simply moved this is considered child abandonment. With minimal communication attempts after 10 weeks I don’t need to allow him to see his son even during his scheduled weekend times at this point. Twice my son sat on Skype waiting for his Dad to call him at the only two scheduled sessions per week. He sat in his Canada shirt waiting for about 30 minutes both times. The same man that kept me in court for over a year, claiming that I was an unfit mother, does not appear to be too bothered about his son now. This lends further credence that his fight for sole custody had more to do with my love for my son than his. He has lost many parental rights at this point. Keeping this in mind I received an email and I quote, “I would like to put that agreement in front of you to sign before having the attorney submit the document to the Court.”  
From Canada he is going to dictate, control and take care of everything. Bringing in an attorney at all is a hostile and intimidating maneuver; completely unnecessary. The idea of parent coordinating is to keep families out of the courts and keep the money in the home for the children. Peter, requiring complete control, cannot accept what I offer.  Additionally, Peter has alienated himself from my son’s therapist. As a woman she dared to confront him over an inappropriate relationship with our then 17 year old. So…to gain power he has used the social services system.  A social worker showed up at my door two days ago. The former allegations four months ago still unresolved.  It is unsettling to say the least.  Even so, it is still a false sense of power and I cannot forget this.
Back to the summer break: I consider my daughters and their brainwashing by the Waltons, their potential additional negative influence on his little brain; I consider he might be kidnapped; I consider Peter might claim my son reports further abuse and stall his return; I consider that it is a great possibility that I will have no contact with my son during his visit. I remember mine and my son’s pain during the divorce and I consider that this may be my opportunity for retribution. 
I am conflicted and torn…. my son wearing his Canada shirt…he wants to see his Dad. If I don’t allow him to visit I am doing the same thing Peter has done in using my son as a pawn. And then if you take something away where might the child run as soon as he is able. I called Peter. We spoke for the first time, over the phone, and just him and I, in 2 years.  He had not changed; it was not good for me to talk with him. Though he did not illicit emotion from me, he did affect me and used information about my daughters against me. It hurt; I won’t call again. We did, however, agree to a schedule. I reluctantly dropped my son off and have been without him for almost five weeks; I’ll meet to get him back in another week. He has been allowed to Skype with me. I can tell when he’s alone and when he's not. When he’s not alone he will not speak and only type messages to me. BUT I have had contact and wait earnestly for the exchange back into my custody…..fingers crossed....
In my son’s absence I was able to travel and will provide details of “Life on the Other Side” in upcoming blogs….