I spent 20 years married to a sociopath. No matter how long I am divorced he keeps finding ways to disrupt my life. The twists, turns and distortions of reality are borderline indescribable. I know what it is like to live with and deal with a monster. Here is my story.
Oh my gosh!!! I LOVE THIS!!!!! This is exactly why I've done what I've done...it's all about exposing and thereby EMPOWERING others to get out. Of course my DV was horribly psychological and verbal; the physical escalating as I detached from the relationship..basically control me subtly until brute force necessary. This woman is amazing and so strong, where I'm lucky to have crawled out with scraps of sanity and dignity. Let's all of us use social media to break down doors and expose the secrets and darkness. Let's stop being victims!
: the condition of having a right to have, do, or get something : the feeling or belief that you deserve to be given something (such as special privileges)
: a type of financial help provided by the government for members of a particular group (1)
I will never understand the depths of entitlement of Jo and Peter. They feel not only entitled to anything Jason and I have ever earned, whether it be monetary or professionally, but their perpetual, persistent and obsessive drive to control and disrupt our lives in any way makes me physically ill at times. It has been years now and though their attacks ebb and flow, when the flows come, they come with even greater strength now. My logical mind cannot understand this increasing intensity. Isn't time supposed to heal something or other? Why will these death grips not release? Have they not taken beyond their share yet? Will their hands ever tire of reaching and grabbing at us; their mouths from wagging and lying? Will they ever stop hurting their children to hurt us? We are adults and have the tools and resources to confront attacks, but the children suffer...they suffer so much. They cannot even process who to trust, what to say, how to act. Jason and I have come to realize one of the worst things you can do to a child, in a divorce, is to say anything negative about their other parent. It takes their sense of safety and security. When Jason picked up his boys for summer break, they slept for most of the first 36 hours. Jason says they appeared to be exhausted, likely from the months of alienation from him and seemed to be content to just be with him. They obviously have been told everything about his case and mine, without filter, and filled with untruth, which they are somehow compelled to perpetuate. As Peter did and does with my daughters. Unjust, unfair, overwhelming, why won't this stop?..... It doesn't help to try and figure things out, talk about it, think about it, think about what's coming next. Around and around in my mind....I need to step back and take note of what's happening, realize I am still learning how to handle all of this with grace, living in the moment each day. All we have is this moment. Jason encourages the boys to simply find their own truth. He has taken them to our camp. We believe this the perfect place to heal their broken hearts, feel the love of our family, understand the logic of their father and without interruption or electronic distraction. The couple we are purchasing the land from will be there at times and they will be a fantastic influence on these boys. They are grounded, loving, understanding of our difficult situation and have unending grace and kindness....Christ-like. Their correspondences with Jason and I often bring tears to our eyes. I took Warren to the beach over the weekend. I had forgotten my sun screen so I asked the people closest if I could borrow theirs and we struck up a conversation. As often happens, discussions turned toward my blog/book. The lovely woman was surprisingly in the middle of a nearly identical situation as mine; even worse. She has a 7 year old son she's been fighting for for years. Her and her best friend bookmarked this blog and intended to read everything. She expressed gratefulness that I had been open in our conversation...."She didn't feel so alone anymore." By choosing to be in the moment I experienced a connection with strangers, which was a source of encouragement both ways. I am grateful for all the comments, conversations and emails over the years. My heart goes out to those who have shared their stories. From all of these connections, I continue to find the courage to share my truth, with vulnerability, and stop acting like a victim by turning to the greater community with my story. After sharing some recent events, her friend turned to me and said, "this sounds like a movie." It feels like one sometimes. Jason and I continue to love each other with a deep and unconditional love, keep our hearts open to all of our children, focused squarely on our callings. I will continue to strive for finding love and grace in these most difficult times, though I stumble into anger at times, it feels so much better this way.....I have so much to be thankful for....
Jason and I hope that both Peter and Jo will find someone new and wish them the best. Finding joy and creating homes with happiness and laughter would only help all children involved. We have no concern about who they might choose and zero interest. The reason I started to blog about Jo is that she became more abusive and obsessed over the years than even Peter (or at least more histrionic). I'm not diminishing the slightest the worst abuse I experienced in my life at his hands and mind.It just seems Jo is having a harder time with me than even Peter so she becomes a very important aspect of my story.
This morning I had already taken a few work related calls and was checking a voice mail from a friend when I received a call from an unknown number. It's not unusual for me to receive work related calls like that so the second time the number appeared I answered. There was someone on the other line and the line stayed open for several minutes, but nothing was spoken. I continued to listen and then an answering machine started to play......It was Jo's stepfather; I listened to the message and then hung up. We also just learned that Jo is attempting to triangulate Jason's stepmother against me at this time.
Jason has had a lot of medical appointments preparing for his retirement. On several occasions medical personnel simply shake their heads, one even just put his notebook down when hearing what he and I are up against. It is bazaar and interesting to so many we speak with.
I continue preparing this into book format and would like to focus on filling in many blanks I've left hanging in posts, but it's amazing that the material keeps coming in to the present.
All of this brings Jason and I closer together. We literally hold each other tighter knowing we have the tools, intelligence, support and a strong spiritual life to help guide us around the volcanoes that keep erupting.