Wednesday, April 29, 2015

"Reflect upon your present blessings, of which every man has plenty; not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some." Charles Dickens

Since I posted messages there has not been one hour that someone was not reading this blog. I had a record 896 hits yesterday. Thank you for your support; you cannot imagine how validating this process has been and how my soul has healed. Thank you for all of the very kind messages and emails!
Monday I was at a coroner's office collecting reports; something I've done annually for over a decade. The deputies kept commenting on how happy and relaxed I looked and kept asking if I was leaving soon. You see I was always rushing, rushing to get home, to pick up from school, take to ballet, voice lessons, doctor's appointments. My life was taking care of everyone, I couldn't even just do my job in peace. I had to rush to accomplish my job responsibilities. I had to rush to go to the restroom. (People have always made fun of me for walking so fast, but I was always on a deadline to be somewhere). I would typically be in a sweat in the file room trying to get everything done in a four hour window with three hours of drive time and hundreds of cases to abstract. Monday, I joked and talked with the deputies and coroner and copied the first quarter neatly and orderly. Driving home Jason reminded me about Warren's baseball practice so I met them there. He encouraged me to go to gym for a run and he'd stay for the rest of the practice. As I showered I realized I was not rushing.

I have been responsible for children since I was 19 years old; I'm 44 now. Before the divorce there was no Yoga for me, no unhurried talks with anyone...from the work place, the gym, anywhere, there were no manicures or pedicures, salon hair cuts, constant multi-tasking, guilty feelings when I wasn't earning money or with my children. Even in the months I was a "stay at home mom," I was looking for part time work to make ends meet.

I never considered that I needed to take care of myself to be a better person and mother. Of course I was a high strung person; of course I seemed crazy to probably a lot of people. In spite of this I always maintained employment, always sought desperately to increase my pay knowing I would be the only parent responsible for the finances, nearly always working two or three jobs, went into a field where the job opportunities were the best and not necessarily what I wanted to do, went to school a total of 25 years and raised three children (the second to age 16). During the divorce my therapist asked me why I was the one to take the girls to ballet and voice lessons, etc if Peter was unemployed and then underemployed. I didn't know, I just did it. During the divorce Peter was only working a few hours at a job I had secured for him as a "trailing spouse" as they needed my qualification for accreditation; he had none. So of course he had time to cover me in motions and spend hours in court. I on the other hand was reprimanded at my main job for working too much at another university to cover all the bills, attorney fees (as much as possible) and child support. At our trial the Judge said that I was exhausted and therefore gave me my full retirement. He encouraged me to rent rooms in my house as I could not sell at that point without losing money so that I could quit my extra jobs and just work one.

It was a wonderful feeling to take my time getting ready and coming home to warm greetings, knowing Warren was well cared for, exactly where he wanted to be and with the person he wanted to be with. Jason had gotten Warren ready for baseball, had him lie down before practice, made sure he had a snack and a water bottle for practice, had him in a uniform. When I got home they were building a fire, laughing and talking for our many pets, having snacks waiting for me for dinner (yes they eat all the time because they work and play outside all the time :)).

This may seem simple, but it is peaceful having a partner in parenting and having the great luxury of taking my time.

Above is a picture I took on our property while on a trail ride last weekend...peace, quiet and slow gentle living.

Dear Peter and Jo,

Dear Peter and Jo,
Do you think you will wake up one morning and my blog will be taken down? Every time either of you attack, manipulate, take or attempt to take from Jason or me I become exponentially motivated to finish my book(s) and continue to blog my new material. I live in the United States of America where freedom of speech is more a right then anywhere else in the world. I encourage all victims of psychological, emotional and physical abuse to write and expose.

What the two of you have done prior to Jason and my union and after is so unbelievable that I must tell my story. The damage you have done to your own children is nothing less than an episode of Law and Order, Criminal Minds or ...... Bates Motel. And Jason and I believe undoubtedly that if you could've gotten away with it you both would've killed us. Neither of you even wanted intimacy, only to take as much as possible in order to do as little as possible. 

I'm not sure what the nature of your relationship is, but I do know that the two of you have more in common and share more of a connection than either Jason or I did with either of you (primary focus, moral compasses, parenting, financial issues....the two of you are so uniquely similar). What I am saying is that, as creepy as it is, the two of you are more married than Jason or I felt when we were with you. What's even more weird, Peter, is that, because of your relationship with Jo, you've in a sense swapped sons with Jason. 

When Jason and I share even parts of our stories, the most consistent question is if the two of you are a couple. Are you? Will Warren be exposed to escalating violence at the hands of Thomas and Jay if he visits you? 

Emails from Peter:

Ms. :

I continue to wait for word from you concerning contact with my son. W has enjoyed very limited, controlled contact with me under your Soviet-like custodianship since April 2012 when I moved to Ontario to in large part escape your escalating attacks (despite the considerable distance you've made two aggressive attempts to have me arrested, and you've succeeded in having your new stepson arrested in the witching hours of January 1st 2014 – and your year began)........ the assault on me, your own daughters, my extended family, and others has continued, and even increased in intensity. Your libellous attack blog is more than two-years old with over 50,000 hits.....


Ms. :

W appeared on our Skype session on Thursday evening (January 30th) with a significant mark across his right eye and swelling on the same eyelid. Further the eyelid was quite red. I was taken aback and I inquired, of course – perhaps you were listening. W reported his friend .... while jumping on his bed clocked him in the eye with an errant foot. I’m not suggesting that isn’t what happened, yet I would have expected by now to have received a report, especially under your current circumstances. 

Further, you have a documented history of violence toward your children and now targeting a stepson, Thomas (Did you press charges against ...? If so, I would like to know that as well as it involves W). W being out of school for inclement weather this week means there was no check provided by his teachers.......

[This email came shortly before Thomas's sexual allegation against me. I had a feeling Peter was setting me up with Jo and would lay the groundwork to have Warren taken from me if the allegation stuck.]

Ms. :

You have now blocked W from contact with me and his sisters for over one month. I can't conceive how you would construe alienating W from most of his family, simply because you are currently in a position to do so, as a healthy decision for W. It certainly is not.

I would ask you to let me know when W can call me or I can call him. I sincerely hope you recognize your intentional alienation of W from me and me from W injures W emotionally (and I pray not physically or sexually, as has long been the case in your incestuous family system) - one more injurious decision against your children....

And the emails go on and on......What do you think about Peter and Jo?  Are they together? Would Warren be safe?

Tuesday, April 28, 2015

A Message to my that I am a Grandmother

I did not realize that the Walton's were following my blog, obsessively, until I received a motion from Peter recently. Peter printed and attached, I believe, the entire blog. I'm not sure because I immediately handed it over to my attorney to handle him. I hope my daughters will read this and contact me simply with their addresses...absolutely nothing more. For my sake, my husband's, Warren's and theirs it is best that we do not communicate at this point, but I do want to get them their sentimental things from their childhood. Especially now that my oldest is now a mother herself. She has had a son and has named him Peter.....(?....)

When I married and moved in with Jason, I collected all of my daughter's most precious items and stored them. We have had an unusual amount of flooding recently and when I went to check on their things they were wet. I took them home and am drying them on our porch. Thank goodness there were no signs of mold just wet. Warren, worried their things could be damaged, took off all of their clothes for me to wash. [Second daughter please note the Lily flowers in the background; I continue to plant them wherever we live].

Dear Daughters,
If the two of you could send me your addresses I can send you whatever items you would like to have. Warren and I also bought you some very nice jewelry  that you would not accept for the first Christmas and Easter two years ago, where he thought he would see you, but Peter and both of you disappeared and would not respond to his tearful and panicked voice mails. I have all of your Hallmark Christmas ornaments and other Hallmark Christmas decorations I would love to send you. The idea was to buy them for you every year and then, when you had your own homes, you would have lovely and memorable decorations. I have all of your school work starting in preschool...all organized, photo albums, your baby books, favorite blankets and stuffed animals, books, Polly pockets, the little castle :), Disney movies, Barbies, ballet clothes and shoes, dance costumes...basically everything that meant anything. I would hope you could salvage something from your childhood.    

I am ready to send anything to you ASAP. With all my heart, Mama