Saturday, November 7, 2015

A Good Place to Finish Book I: The Sociopath and the Essence of Evil

All of those hours in court, phone, text, emails, money, time... what a waste. The whole time hearing how Peter knows what's in the best interest of Warren, like he has some supernatural psychic powers to communicate in an omnipresent, transcendent way that us minions could never understand. 
No, we are back in reality and grounded in reason. The Judge has ruled otherwise: Peter does not know what is in the best interest of Warren, in fact he doesn't even know when he is psychologically abusing him. So here we are again does he realize what he's doing or not? Does he know and doesn't care or is this evil and in doing evil he thinks it's good? I'll never know and he's not worth the energy.
Peter was questioned about the spring break episode again (during a trial he scheduled and failed to appear and later called in). He claimed to not be at the drop off during motion hour several months prior, but now, at the trial, he was there. He even challenged my attorney to check the border crossing records to prove he had indeed crossed the border to pick up Warren and I had, with "my usual histrionics" prevented him from seeing Warren. So he drove a day to pick up Warren, waited, and then drove all the way back to Canada. Poor Peter. Of course Peter tried to confuse the court with his "pass the hot potato" antics, but the Judge stayed resolutely on topic taking the conversation back to spring break over a dozen times. She finally stated that she was concerned about Peter's mental health and, wow, that did not go over well. Peter's anger was so tangible you could hear his clenched teeth! He without hesitation flipped back "but I'm not the one with the mental illness, she is the one with mental illnesses... she.... is a borderline." The Judge responded that she did not see any sign of mental illness with me but was so concerned about him she ordered a full psychological evaluation to be done here. Then therapy here and when the court ordered therapist determined Peter was ready then Warren would begin therapy and then......a re-introduction period between Warren and Peter always with the court ordered therapist present. Until all of these orders are met,
Peter is not allowed any communication with Warren.
This year we are celebrating Warren's 12th birthday with a huge party. We have invited all those (we could think of) that have supported us along the way and reasonable that they could come. We have a lot to celebrate. I began the process of trying to leave a sociopath when Warren was six so this is an important milestone for all of us. 
It's hard to understand why we go through terrible things and where God is in all of it. This road has been hard and life has not been fair, I won't forget the feelings of falling into a black hole with no hope of ever getting out. Never in my wildest dreams did I think that when I gave birth and devoted decades to children that they would be taken from me. I never dreamed that my little six year old would be so close to being taken into foster care.....this road has been ugly and because of me at times. I wish I could have a few "do-overs" for sure.
Now I see more clearly. I believe in free will and evil in the world so bad things are going to happen to all of us. I also believe in redemption. And, if we can bear getting out of bed in those horrible times and look up with belief and patience, we can see God's beauty and good intentions everywhere. My best days are when I can pause and revel in the warmth of all the blessings and love surrounding me. Peace be with you.