Wednesday, March 23, 2016

Is this an Epidemic?

I received this comment today and would like to respond in a post so this comment is not lost in an old post.

This is so heartbreaking but reality for many. For some it is easier and safer to stay. Without Jason to help me I don't know that I would've been safe to leave; danger of homicide or suicide. Without the tangible hope of a better life I don't know that I could have sustained hope on my own and the consequences of PTSD leave it hard for me to even now be alone. Jason is my rock; he is strong, safe consistent and loves me unconditionally. And anyone that struggles with PTSD knows that unconditional isn't always easy. Jason is my earthly guardian angle for whom I am thankful for every day. WE are something I had no idea could even exist...and the pure unadulterated joy he brings out of Warren simply heavenly.

Being married to a sociopath is a prison; an innocent person condemned to a murder sentence. Your rights are controlled as if by a warden. I understand, though, what you are doing. I offer this: keep your dream of escaping alive and slowly find ways to prove who he is.  Document any physical violence as this is really the only form of abuse that can be proven and try not to fear calling police. That is the best proof. If you are able see an attorney and start to get your story in front of his; the first person who goes aggressive has the advantage and if it's him it will be an incredibly difficult process to turn. You might lose your children, but they see how you are being treated and you run the risk of them finding themselves in the same relationship. Lastly, please be careful. These creatures can sense independence and their victim pulling away.  Good Bless You Anonymous.

"I am so glad I found this article....I have a long story about being married to a sociopath, which, after many years of reflection includes being isolated from my good family and friends, isolated from the city to the country, lost all my jobs quickly after I married him due to stress at home, and most of all, the emergence of suppressed immune system and constant physical illness including HPB, and pre-diabetic symptoms. The doctor says stress and bring it on...and kill you. Many people don't understand if Im so bad off being married to him, and if Im so unhappy...why not leave? I would say since I have lived with my sociopathic husband for 7 years, one thing I have learned as a problem solver, IF YOUR PLAN DOESNT SOLVE THE PROBLEM DONT MOVE UNTIL YOU FIND A SOLUTION THAT's where it gets husband has already done SUCH A GREAT JOB of turning my own family against me already that I can already foresee the court system manipulation and lies with lawyers and judges...same as now...I might even get my kids taken away he's such a liar. So for now, since he works out of town a lot I have just chosen to stay knowing that LEAVING WONT CHANGE HIS CHARACTER OR HIS BEHAVIOR...I WILL STILL HAVE TO DEAL WITH HIM AS LONG AS WE HAVE THE CHILDREN (FOREVER). My plan has been to have the one person in my family still on my side (my brother) abreast to the situation and the prospect that he has an evil and possibly VERY dangerous side, as in the capacity to "flip out" or maybe poison me....I watch him very closely and took out a life insurance policy he knows nothing about so he doesn't have motivation to kill me on purpose (only my brother knows about the policy in case I die of natural causes) Also, since engaging him in ANY conversation is stressful and brings on physical illness and high blood pressure, I literally do not speak to him at all...when he comes home, I leave him with the kids and don't tell him where Im going. I try to interact with him as little as possible, if at all. I have one new friend after all these years I can vent to and she knows about my husband to, but HE WILL NEVER MEET HER AS EVERY PERSON I LET HIM MEET HE TURNS THEM AGAINST this new friend is a secret. I know it sounds crazy to most, but really if you divorce a sociopath you still have to deal with them and the stress doesn't go away, so for me and my situation the best thing to do is learn how to deal with stress in the home and take care of my self as much as possible, limit all non-essential communication and dealings, keep at least one close person informed of the situation in case things escalate or something least one person can look into it if you cant and have no one else...These are truly the most dangerous people on earth, like the devil walking among us."

Tuesday, March 22, 2016

...They Will Try and Control How Others See You...

This is a comment from one of my posts. This is why I continue. This is why I am taking a month off with no pay to finish book #1. Thank you for taking the time "anonymous" to respond to this blog.

My thoughts are with you and all of the rest who thought they were just "crazy" and out of control...NO...WE were left unsettled, unprotected and were we supposed to find stability or find a way out? We stay BECAUSE they leave us with no opportunity to realize what's happening or be with others that can help us see....

I found your blog yesterday. I feel like I am reading a large portion of my own story. I was married 20 years as well and have been divorced for 3 years...not much has changed. It has bothered me that the divorce trauma has not ended so I have been searching for answers. I have always known my ex-husband has control problems. About 5 days ago I stumbled onto an article that prompted me to research psychopathy. I have been reeling every since. I can't believe I finally have an answer for all of those years. The most frightening thing, however, is not knowing how serious the situation actually was. It will take me a while to organize the puzzle of my thoughts and know where to go from here. This post hit every nerve in my body. I can honestly say in 20 years of marriage I was never given the gift of an ACTUAL RESOLUTION to any argument or fight that we ever had. It all went under the proverbial rug (I have a mental image of that rug still) I wish I had known how deep the pit was dug under that rug. I internalized every single last unresolved issue as my own knowing he would never change and if I ever wanted things to be different it would up to me. I wish I had known that NOTHING I could do would have ever been enough. Well, unless I just died, I guess.

I'm on the tip of my iceberg and shaking all over. So much to process. Thank you for your words. I wish you knew how much they mean to me.